One Year Ago

Reagan Waller

April 4, 2008

Induction scheduled for 5:00 AM

I woke up at 4:00 AM to call the hospital and see if they were ready for me to come in, but only got an answering machine. So I leave a message and jump in the shower (too excited, anxious and nervous to go back to sleep -- yes, nervous -- because no matter how many times you do this birth thing, it's still unnerving).

I call a couple other times and get only the answering machine. Another message left and, finally, Nate and I get back into bed.

At 6:30, just as I've fallen asleep again, the hospital calls:

“Mrs. Waller? Were you planning on coming in for your induction today?”

I was a bit put out as you can imagine but I got over it and we headed out the door. Savannah and London went to Amy’s house and then Amy later on took them to Jill’s house to await seeing their new baby sister.

Driving to the hospital, checking in, and getting iv’s set up took time until 8:30 when the Pitocin started it’s job. Just around 9:00, Dr. D came to check up on me and said he’d break my water which made me ecstatic. I had discussed with him a few weeks before how nothing happens until my water breaks. He said I’d have to be contracting first, but he would do it as soon as possible. So when he came in, I half expected him to say I’d have to wait since I’d only had Pit for a half an hour.

But no – halleluiah, the doctor listened to me!

I really like Dr. D.

So, painful as it was, my water was broken – or so we thought. We weren’t sure since there was no gush and Dr. D. said, “I think I broke it, but her head is right there so she must be blocking it.” Okay. He said he’d be back at noon to check up on me.

We spent some time looking over Nate’s list of names (2 columns worth) and I narrowed them down to 4: Sydney, Addison, Berlyn and Reagan. We threw Berlyn out quickly because Berlyn WALLer just didn’t seem right even though my mother assured me that kids nowadays don’t really know what the Berlin Wall is/was, but I remember it coming down and just couldn’t do it.

Then we waited to see you to make the final decision.

Nate left to get some magazines and licorice for me (for after you were born).

My contractions started getting closer together around 10:00.

By 10:45, they were getting really painful and I remember looking at the clock and thinking “I can’t deal with this for two more hours until noon when he’ll really break my water.” With no gush, I was really thinking it wasn’t broken.

Nate came back around then and the contractions really picked up. Soon I was writhing in pain and asking for Stadol. I was planning on no epidural, so the nurse told me that I could get 3 doses of Stadol and that they take about 10-15 minutes to take effect and then that effect doesn’t last too long. I was trying to “save” up my doses for the bad part of labor (if only I’d known how quickly it would be over).

It’s funny how everyone tries to convince you to get an epidural even though you’ve expressed your choice. The nurse even went so far as to tell me that some women want it just for the post-birth pain. For the record, any pain felt afterward paled in comparison to birth. Besides, the main pain came from nursing and my uterus contracting which actually made me happy knowing that my stomach was trying to become semi-normal again.

Back to your story. As I said, a little after 11:00, I asked, no, begged for some medication as I declared to anyone willing to listen that I didn’t want to be there.

The nurse checked me and I was at a five.

I remember thinking that I’d rather be anywhere else but it was too late and there was nowhere to hide – all of a sudden, I felt like you were pushing your way down without permission and I told the nurse that you were coming and I wanted to push (desperately). Gina and I were talking and decided that it’s not necessarily that you want to push, but that your body is already pushing and so you just can’t help but go along with it because there’s no stopping it if that baby’s coming.

The nurses checked me and I was at a 7 and they went to call the doctor, telling me not to push yet. That was not what I wanted to hear. The intense pain and wanting to push seemed to go on forever and then, suddenly Dr. D showed up and I hazily remember yelling “I love you” because I was so relieved that I could finally push.

What birthing mother doesn’t love the sight of her doctor??? (because you know it’s almost over – they always wait until the last minute to call in the doctor.)

But it wasn’t over and the hard part was just beginning. I think I progressed so fast that they didn’t have much time to set up the bed right and there were no stirrups which confused the heck out of me -- and trying to put my feet on Dr. D’s shoulders didn’t help the situation. The combination of the pain and no stirrups was too much for me to handle and I had no idea what to do even though there were people surrounding my bed telling me to hold my thighs and bear down to push. I just wanted to hold onto the hospital bed for dear life (it just felt safer than my thighs) and I kept saying (probably yelling) “no” to everyone -- “I just want to hold onto the bed” I would say. Finally they convinced me to get in the right position and then I apparently started hyperventilating and so they were trying to help me pant-breathe, but that only annoyed the heck out of me having all these people blowing in my face so I yelled at them to get away.

I think in the midst of it all I may have apologized for all the yelling, but it was really out of my control and I felt pretty embarrassed afterward because in the age of epidurals you just don’t hear the intense moaning, screaming and yelling in the labor and delivery area (well, not as often I guess). Besides, anyone who knows me, knows it’s totally not in my nature to be outspoken and – heaven forbid – yell at people. But I really didn’t feel in control of my body so that’s my excuse.

When they wheeled me to my recovery room in the afternoon, I felt so embarrassed going past the nurses station. I felt like they were all looking at me – the loud one. Oh well. I know I’m not exaggerating because after the birth and things settled down, I realized that my throat really hurt.

So I pushed and pushed (for not very long) and out came your head and then apparently you decided not to just slide out like other babies, but I had to push for your shoulders as well. No cry made me worried, but everyone assured me you were fine and I watched Nate cut the cord and then they swooped you off to do whatever they do while I finished up my job. Then I got my hands on you and you were darling as I knew you would be.

And it was all over by 11:21.

I think around that time was when the Stadol started taking effect because I was starting to feel really tunnelly (that’s the only way to describe it) and hazy. Apparently my water did break at 9:00, but there just wasn’t much fluid to come out because Cyndee said that even when you were born, there wasn’t much gushing. That must be why my stomach was hard as a rock the whole time – it was all baby!

8.9 pounds and 21 inches of baby!

So that’s the story of when you were born. Soon after, Jill brought the girlies to meet you. Grandma Norma and Papa Pat came over to meet you and then came again that evening as well as Grandma Cyndee with Savy and London again.

It took us most of the afternoon to finalize your name. You just didn’t look like an Addison or a Sydney and Nate really loved Reagan so we chose Reagan and it fits you to a tee.

Then later that evening, Gary and Joanne Waldie (from my mission) came over to meet you. Then we slept and daddy slept on the couch-bed next to us. We really enjoyed that time alone with you in the hospital, but we also wanted to get back home to Savy and London and to watch conference – ha! Like I caught any of that between tiredness and tending to my three babies. Cyndee was a great help though with your sisters. The one talk I did catch was the young mothers talk which was fabulous for me and then Pres. Monson’s last one.

I love this picture because you can tell Dr. D. loves his job.

London insisted on bringing birthday cupcakes to the hospital!

Happy Birthday Reagan!!!

I can't believe that one year has passed. Looking at these pictures blows me away at how much all three of my girls have grown and changed. It makes me more aware of how I need to treasure every moment because they will be gone fast and you will be a big girl sooner than I realize. I love you!

the birthday party update coming

and, yes, the cake turned out pretty darn cute!